Preparing for the "Year of the Paycheck"

2013 is a big year. Most notable in my date bank as the year I will graduate medical school, receive my first real paycheck, and schedule my very own patients to see me. I am very blessed to be at this crossroads in life where I will get to be living out my dreams, and actually make a living at it. It's been fun and free and easy living as a bum student on borrowed money. I really pay very little attention to money, and as my dad would put it - have no problem falling off my own fiscal cliff. I'm sure this is a product of being spoiled, provided for by my family, government student loans, and a few scholarships here and there, but I really LOVE paying no attention to money. I want my decisions to be based on a better foundation than fiscal realities. I don't want to live for a paycheck, or ever go to work because I feel like I need the money. I want to work because I love my work. I never want my status to include my payroll. This may sound stupid, but after getting used to the low-key lifestyle in Haiti and other lower resource settings, I love having the closet the size of a carryon bag and meals of rice and beans. I know a lot of wonderfully big hearted wealthy people, who live on faith and love but also have a huge home and all the accessories...then I see that they are "so busy" with the upkeep of all of these things. Cleaning the house, winterizing the boat, replacing broken parts, shopping for accessories, reprogramming electronics to keep up with the latest and greatest - it's a full time job to own lots of things.  As I enter the year of the paycheck - I want to work extra hard on my platform of faith and love, so that money being placed in my bank account has no effect on my passion for service and love of people. This blog is mostly just to keep me on track, and share a few reflections from books I'm reading or encounters with people wiser than myself. If anyone else feels inspired or finds joy in reading any excerpts, then great, but I am using this to keep me on track with my mission to grow in faith and seek purpose with my blessings and gifts.

A book I grabbed when packing late last night for Haiti is called "Love Does" ...Oh yeah, I'm in Haiti. First day back for only my second time, and I am greeted by Mahalia saying "Welcome Home" She's right, that's a great summary. Anyways, the book was a gift from Matt's mother Lynn to him prior to our last trip to Haiti. It's got a pretty blue cover, and looks like it's made of short stories that are uplifting and possibly funny - so I'm sold. Threw it in the carryon and have made it through a few chapters of short stories by a guy who has a wonderful perspective on life. He's a lawyer, and sees the world with (as my last interviewer told me) "pathologic optimism".  He's not naive, he just knows that life is short, and if we don't have love and passion for how we spend this precious time, what on earth do we have? *cue eye-roll from my father

In short, I liked this part as it summarizes the type of love I need to work more at... not the kind of love that is bossy or knows best (guilty!), the kind that is about presence and understanding. 

"The world can make you think that love can be picked up at a garage sale or enveloped in a Hallmark card. But the kind of love that God created and demonstrated is a costly one because it involves sacrifice and presence. It's a love that operates more like sign language than being spoken outright. What I learned from Randy about the brand of love Jesus offers is that it's more about presence than undertaking a project. It's a brand of love that doesn't just think about good things, or agree with them, or talk about them. What I learned from Randy reinforced the simple truth that continues to weave itself into the tapestry of every great story. Love does."  

Also brings to mind the John Mayer song "Love is a Verb".  Often it's empty to say "love you...love you...omg looove this dress...love that restaurant", and the best of all "I just love love!"I am extremely guilty of loose lips with that word, but I gotta think more about how to show it to those that I really mean it for. I gotta say there is no better example than God, followed by mothers in a close second. Endless mercy, forgiveness, and silent demonstrative love. Also coming to mind and making me count my blessings again is my wonderful boyfriend Matt, who isn't much for touchy sentiments, but when it comes to demonstrating support, encouragement, and patient love through my anxieties and insecurities- he's the man.  So, today's lesson to myself - a little less talk, a little more action. 

One of my favorite verses to wrap up: Romans 12:9-11: "Let love be sincere; hate what is evil, hold on to what is good; love one another with mutual affection; anticipate one another in showing honor. Do not grow slack in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord"